They threw a party and nobody came.

So, this is a cyber-rant because I know that pretty much nobody reads this, but writing helps. And holding a pen hurts at this point, so I'll type instead.

Yesterday I experienced the most awkward, embarrassing "baby shower" I could have imagined. They threw it for me at work and made a big deal out of throwing one even though I insisted that it wasn't necessary.

I really wished they'd skipped it. Instead of scheduling it for after work, it was a come-and-go shower from 11:00-3:30. The only problem was that only one person came.

I felt like an idiot. I had gotten up early, put on makeup (!) and tried to look nice...I just sat at my desk for four and a half hours waiting for someone to show up. I didn't leave to get lunch because I was afraid someone might come and I would miss them. One of my old co-workers did come and we had a nice visit for a bit...but that was it. They were giving away food to members at the end of the day because no one came to eat it. There were five presents- two from the two other people in insurance, one from another branch, one from one of the girls in the phone center, and a sack of random stuff from a few people at work. No one visited and asked random questions about Noah. Everyone pretty much just ignored me and enjoyed the goodness that was a chocolate fountain. I felt isolated and ignored and weird.

I didn't even want the presents- our church shower more than took care of Noah's immediate needs. It was the whole "Wow, I've worked here for over a year and I thought I had some friends here." thing that got me. It was like a flash-back to junior high, when I was a decidedly unpopular person outside of geek circles and kids made fun of me all the time. Except this time I'm nine months pregnant and way too emotional. I had to call Kyle crying when one of the members asked a teller that I've worked with for the whole time I've been there what the balloons were for...and she said "Oh, it's a shower for whats-her-face. I can't remember her name."

Blech.

Just needed to vent. Yesterday was a sucky emotional day, over something I know I shouldn't really get that emotional about.

Good things: Noah will be here no later than three weeks from yesterday. My maternity leave starts nine working days from today. This is good. Someday my emotions will go back to a(relatively) normal state. My husband can't WAIT.