A lot has happened in the last few weeks. Kyle accepted a new job, we told our kids we were leaving (sucked.big.time. Excuse the non-genteel language, but I am rather attached to my non-biological children), I got in a rollover wreck after I hit some black ice and totalled Kyle's beloved SUV, we moved, we replaced the SUV with a minivan, and we have two Sundays and one Wednesday left at the church that's been home to me since my junior year of high school.

My brain and my body, faulty as they are, have chosen this time to short out on me. It's harder than ever to make it through my readings, just when I need to really be able to concentrate since I'm taking a P.h.D class this semester. I'm having bizarre nightmares that I apparently talk during, because at least a couple of times a week, Kyle wakes me up from trying to kill an imaginary spider the size of a labrador retriever or trying to pull off my face. I, who try to never know how much I weigh for obvious reasons, noticed that in the space of a couple of weeks clothes that had fit fine were suddenly snug...then that they didn't fit at all. I went to the doctor and found out that I had gained...well...more than would have been acceptable even if I was preggers, which I'm not. Apparently it's a side effect of one of my meds that she has seen in a LOT of people. So now I'm stuck with lots of extra me. And my eating disordered brain just goes pfffffft because it can't compute the extra weight or any sane way to get rid of it.

I had to go buy big clothes. I weigh more than I weighed when I was nine months pregnant. I CAN'T EVEN READ A BOOK ANYMORE. Can I just say that's really, really frustrating for a geek?

Sucks.

So I'm trying to stumble into a healthy way to do this thing we call life. I've made lists. I've made schedules. And my brain sits in the corner of my head, crossing its arms and saying "Make me."

Stupid brain.

So I'm going to take my lists and my schedules and give myself a freaking gold star every time I do the smallest thing on any of them. And try to hate myself a little bit less tomorrow than I do today.